Half Orc, All Dork

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

Every one (not really everyone but I’ve seen it a lot since my dnd hyperfixation started) talks about “the Matthew Mercer Effect” but NO ONE talks about the CritCrab effect: Wherein I am finding myself HOPING for a cringe experience so I can write to the Crab about it and hear it read. 

Like, IF I HAVE TO CREATE THE DRAMA MYSELF BY GAWD I WILL HAVE A STORY lolol. 

I'm joking of course but really where is my ross where have all the cat girls gone T_T critcrab
artemis-entreri

Rations for various RPG Races

artemis-entreri

[[ Source. Original creator: wats6831. Additional information and images linked under each one. Love this project? Support it here! ]]

Universal:

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Homemade artisan herb bread, home grown and dried apples and prunes, uncured beef sausage, munster cheese. Made a small bag from cheesecloth and tied it closed.

Discussion thread here.


Human: 

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Waterdhavian oat loaf (handmade irish soda bread, fresh smoked ham shank, “dessert” pear, Corm Orp “mountain” bleu cheese served on butternut squash, imported Saerloon broccoflower (Romanesco), mixed garden vegetables (carrots and radishes), Misty Forest chestnuts.

More images here. Discussion thread here


Dwarf:

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Garlic chicken livers, smoked and peppered cheese, spiced pork sausages, hard tack, dried vegetables, dried wild mushrooms.

Discussion thread here.


Elf:

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Top left to right: Evereskan Honey Comb, Elven Travel Bread (Amaretto Liquer Cake with custom swirls), Lurien Spring Cheese (goat cheese with garlic, salt, spices and shallots), Delimbyr Vale Smoked Silverfin (Salmon), Honey Spiced Lichen (Kale Chips), and Silverwood Pine Nuts.

Discussion thread here.


Halfling:

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From upper left: “Honeytack” Hard tack honey cakes, beef sausage, pork sausage mini links, mini whole wheat toast, cranberry cheddar cheese mini wedge, mini pickles, pumpkin and sunflower seeds, lower right is my homemade “travel cake” muesli with raisins, golden prunes, honey, eggs and cream.

Discussion thread here.


Half-Orc:

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Wrapped in cheesecloth and tied in burlap package. Forest strider drumsticks, molasses sweet wheat bread “black strap”, aged Munster, hard boiled eggs, mixed wild nuts.

Discussion thread here.


Orc:

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Orcs aren’t known for their great cuisine. Orcs prefer foods that are readily available (whatever can be had by raiding), and portable with little preparation, though they have a few racial delicacies. Toughs strips of lean meat, bones scavenged from recent kills, and dark coarse bread make up the bulk of common orc rations.Fire roasted rothe femur (marrow is a rare treat) [beef femur], Strips of dried meat (of unknown origin) [homemade goose jerky], foraged nuts, only edible by orcs….nut cracker tusks [brazil nuts], coarse black bread, made with whatever grains can be pillaged [black sesame bread], Pungent peppers [Habanero peppers stuffed with smoked fish and olives].

More images here. Discussion thread here.


Gnome:

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Pan fried Delimbyr smelt, spiced goat cheese (paprika crusted hand pressed Fontina), Gnome shortbread (savory pistachio), glass travel jar filled with Secomber Red (wine), hard boiled quail eggs packed in rolled oats (to keep safe), dried figs from Calimshan, and Southwood smoked goat sausage (blood sausage).

More images here. Discussion thread here.


Duergar (gray dwarves):

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The Duergar (gray dwarves) are the hated subterranean cousins of the surface dwelling Shield dwarves. Vast Duergar kingdoms exist in the Underdark beneath Toril’s surface. Duergar are known for their foul tempers, penchant for cruelty, grim and bitter dispositions. Their food is as coarse and uncouth as they are. Clockwise from top left: Sour Deep rothé pepper cheese (Limburger), boiled Deep rothé kidney (whole beef kidney), foraged roots and tubers; skirret and Fellroot (ginger and turmeric roots), contorted strangler fungus (Enoki mushrooms), onion & mushroom gravy hand pies (Morel mushroom with shallot and dill in cream sauce).

More images here. Discussion thread here.


Lizardfolk (This is a MEAL/feast and not a travel ration):

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Lizardfolk are known to be omnivores, forage for a surprising variety of foods found within the confines of their marshy environs, in this case the Lizard Marsh near Daggerford. Fresh caught boiled Delimbyr Crayfish on wild chives, coastal carrageen moss entrapping estuary brine shrimp (irish moss, dried brine shrimp), Brackish-Berries (blackberries), Blackened Dart-Frog legs (frog legs) on spring sprouts (clover sprouts), roasted bog bugs on a stick!

More images here. Discussion thread here.


Drow (This is a MEAL/Party Fare and not a travel ration):

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From top left: Menzoberranzan black truffle rothe cheese (Black Knight Tilsit), Donigarten Moss Snails (Escargot in shallot butter sauce), Blind cave fish caviar in mushroom caps (Lumpfish caviar), faerzress-infused duck egg imported from the surface Realms (Century egg), Black velvet ear fungus (Auricularia Black Fungus Mushroom).

More images here. Discussion thread here.


Svirfneblin (deep gnome) (This is a MEAL/Party Fare and not a travel ration):

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Underdark radishes, mushrooms and edible mosses. Rothé tongue (cow tongue) and rothé cheeses, which are made with wine to be eaten on the side as well as in plain varieties that can be melted into the mushroom caps.

More images here.


Mind Flayer/Illithid (This is a MEAL/Party Fare and not a travel ration):

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A Mind Flayer dwelling in the Underdark of the Forgotten Realms might celebrate a special event with a smorgasbord of illithid delicacies. Center: An extra large brain (former minotaur servant who did not go quietly) plated on tinged cerebrospinal fluid. Right: peeled kuo-toa eyeballs in serous fluid (with mithral eating pick) TOP RIGHT: green mushroom wine TOP: drow slave heart (tastes better than human) with savory sanguine sauce. All served amongst various potion bottles, scroll and alchemical vessel.

More images here. Discussion thread here. Some “making of” and reaction photos here


Ogre Holiday Platter (This is a MEAL/Party Fare and not a travel ration):

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Ogres are well known for legendary feats of horrendous brutality, torture, and savagery. It’s no surprise they consider flayed skin, fingers, toes and ears (especially elf ears) as special delicacies. Ogres revel in the misery of others. Crushing the smaller races…then eating their crispy bits is considered a true perverse joy, worthy of what passes for brutal ogre celebration. Paired alongside campfire roasted rabbit and coarse grain bread.

Discussion thread here. More images here. ]]

Ideally- EVENTUALLY- our game day charcoots board will look like these lol
ru-debega

Anonymous asked:

I hope Curse of Strahd is going well! You've given us some Brendan lore, but I'm curious about the other party members too, if you can tell us more about them. :-0

medli20 answered:

It’s been on hiatus for a bit due to scheduling conflicts, but we’re soon approaching the end of the campaign! 

My understanding of the other party members’ lore is a bit spotty, but here’s what I got:

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Diana

A wood elf and a cleric of the Raven Queen, Diana is a bookish nerd who is also the party’s mom and moral compass. She hails from Candlekeep where she worked as a librarian of sorts. Apparently she had a dragonborn friend who had died at one point, and now that dragonborn friend has kind of gone off the deep end and is in sort of a state of half-life? 

Other than that, Diana is remarkably well-adjusted as a character, and as a result she doesn’t have a whole lot in her backstory that has come back to bite her.

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Korag

A half-orc Eldritch Knight, Korag is (usually) the quiet type, being our party’s rock and lone braincell. Korag’s parents met under rather unusual circumstances. Korag’s orc father was captured and jailed for the heinous crime for being too orcish while he was taking a stroll near the castle where Korag’s human mother lived. Korag’s mother was like “yo that’s fucked up” and tried to get him out of jail but couldn’t, so she did what she could and cared for him while he was incarcerated. 

Growing up in a castle full of racists, Korag was frequently harassed, and at one point he had his head shoved into some hot coals, severely burning half his face. Despite this, he managed to work his way upward into knighthood, where he’d befriended the court wizard and learned to cast spells that would help him better protect himself and the people he cared for. 

All of that quickly came to an end, however, when Korag had been tasked with the protection of a young nobleman and heir to the castle. Upon failing to stop an assassination, Korag was ruthlessly harassed until he decided “enough is enough” and left, because honestly he deserves to have much better people in his life.

Recently, we’ve actually discovered that Korag’s wizard mentor is in Barovia, but he was driven mad and just about killed us once or twice. We just brought him back to his senses though, so I’m looking forward to seeing where this thread leads us. 

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( Drawn by @spitterskag )
Casimir

Casimir is a high-elf swashbuckler who had previously worked as an entertainer in an arena, as a gladiator of sorts. Being one of the party’s two twinks, he is the party’s charming grifter and Big Numbers Sneaky Boi. He and Brendan have a bit of a Tulio-and-Miguel sort of dynamic going on, and Brendan considers him to be his best friend. 

Cas was raised by a grouchy old dwarf named Darius, whom he was very fond of. One day though, Darius went missing so Cas was like “oh shit my dad’s gone on a journey out of nowhere! This seems out of character for him; I’d better go look and see if something’s gone wrong,” which led to Cas adventuring through Barovia with us. 

So about halfway through the campaign, we managed to meet Marie, a human woman who he thinks of as his sister. They were both in the thieves’ guild at some point and as the saying goes, they were as thick as two people who are thick with each other. WELL as it turns out, Marie actually MURDERED Darius and used brain magic to wipe this from Casimir’s memory, so now we’re tracking down Marie so Cas can finally get some answers.

Source: medli20